To A Daughter of the King

To A Daughter of the King
In the coming years, the journey that life will take you on and the path that you choose to walk will not be easy. Along the way you will face similar challenges that many others will face. But the thing that makes us all different is the way that we choose to deal with or respond to these problems. So little girl, don’t make the same mistakes that I have made. Instead listen carefully to my advice of what I would do now if I could have my time over.
Age 11 you must be now... only young despite the way you feel. Although you feel you've lived a few lifetimes in this short while, it's just a minute dot on the line of eternity. The decisions, realisations, successes and failures you have made, help shape your full lifetime. But individual occasions do not have to monopolise or define an entire existence. Sorry to have to warn you, but you will get left behind countless times. However it is for that reason that you pick yourself up and try again. You are worth the second chance and so too are the other people that are part of God’s plan for your life who need the encouragement of your resilience. This last fall you will have... it doesn't have to be THE last fall. If you choose to look up from the depths of your brokenness, then will you find the chance to hope for more.
When you chose what you knew was wrong, it was a mistake. But you did not choose in that moment to shackle yourself down to a life of torment, shame, pain and guilt... in the moment you sought forgiveness it was given. In that instance God completely wiped clean all that existed as a stain, or a mark, or a blemish. He forgot it all. He took out His eraser and removed the evidence. And continues to love you and adore you as His beloved daughter. It is never his intention for you to continue to punish yourself. This is just one mistake in your life, among many in the past and to come. Yes - times will come and you will remember. But it is not necessary to remember every moment of every day - as if to serve penance for a sin. Jesus has already taken care of it all. Embrace the grace that has been set before you. It is the only way to freedom... He is your only hope... LIVE FREE!!!

There is never a day that He will deny his love from you... There is never a day that He will refrain from showing you the grace and mercy you do not deserve. Believing it from the beginning is setting the path straight in line with His purpose for your life... believing it is living in the freedom that He desires for you. Set yourself free!! This hurting part of your heart can be reset, remodelled, cleansed and renewed. It is what He desires for you. Your power is in your surrender. To let go of the hurting part... stop picking the scab... and allow Him to heal it; You, daughter of the King, are to become a picture of hope... You are to become a signpost that reads freedom reigns here!!

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its Your love that has saved me
its Your blood that has claimed me

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john 3:16

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nothing more. nothing less

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there is nothing that can give me more than Jesus' blood already has

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i never knew He was all i needed until He was all i had

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xx

when the pain/overcame/and i was left standing there alone/because i'd pushed everyone else away/it was then i realised that i had a choice/leave with you/or stay/

what a day/when i broke free from all those chains/left the darkness where it belongs/and walked forward into the light of life/

and still breaking free/decisions to make/to not let the devil play/to not the darkness rule/to not let the strength i've gained go to waste/

He is the only way that i take the next breath in this life... He is the only reason that i'm breathing in the first place.. He is the only reason why the sun shines and i notice it... He is the only reason why i know that there is hope.. He is the only reason for the life i live... He is my only reason.

im not letting go - cant deny the freedom i've gained - cannot rewind - the past is left for behind - today i will deny - the devil has no place in this heart of mine - no foothold in this altar i have built for my God --- I am FREE!

i am

i am the undecided

trapped in worlds of turmoil and the unforgotten

lost in translation - defining love and hate

i cannot crawl or find escape

my face is numb and dry and bare

no emotions that i share

are real. are true. are mine

i cannot grasp my own reality

my pain is a fingertip away

and im still bowing down to it

wishing, hoping for the day

that it sets me free

i am the remorsed

for what is to be unremorseful

i do not know how to disconnect

too intune with the mistakes i confuse

his face plastered against my eye lids

his scars running along my arms

his blood bleeding from the slices and cuts

his voice echoing in my earsa

nd so i run externally

from what afflicts me so internally

i am the powerless

fighting a battle already won

yet im convinced of my defeat

my mind is set on the opposites of His true and perfect will

parts of my grasp onto the bondages that seem so familiar

i am lost in the depths of a grace i cannot comprehend

and a grief i cannot console

i cry out

i am the spoken

i am the heard

i was the broken...

will life emerge?

the way i see it now

life is beautiful

it sucks sometimes

but honestly its really beautiful

someday i will fly with you

Its funny... For a long time that was my quote on my myspace profile. Its a lyric from the song - Fly With You by Pete Murray. At the time i was going through a tough time with life - struggling to find purpose and meaning in my existance, indulging in addictive self destructive behaviours and isolating myself from the world and mainly from God. But i would read or hear that lyric i would feel a quiver of hope deep in my soul...

Through Mercy - God really revealed to me that He was going to allow me... He was going to prepare me... He was going to teach me how to fly. I guess its been a little bit like a child learning how to walk. At first it was so hard. I felt like a fool ... I felt completely incapable and i didn't trust that God's word was truth. But slowly ... i grew... i learned.. i began to believe... and i realised that the only way that i could fly was with strings of grace that had fallen from heaven to hold me up. We ourselves, alone, cannot... we cannot defy gravity or face the unfaceable.. but because of the grace of God .. because He loves us we are able to. How much of a miracle is it that a girl like me now can fly! the thing is now - is whether i use that skill... whether i do it in God's strength, or whether i believe that i can do it alone. Its easy to get 'cocky' and 'self righteous'... But when i'm focussing on myself i take my eyes of Christ... and i fall.. i keep getting reminded of that...

But then - i turn back... i hear that gentle voice in my spirit reminding me that the only way i can fly is with Him... holding me, guarding me, lifting me higher...

With Me - 2005

I was alive but I just couldn’t see
Because that life had been sucked out
I was living on nothing – nothing but me
And the pleasure that life could give
Through denying the knocks and bumps
But it was all a lie
And I knew You couldn’t see

I knew you couldn’t see that I was dying
And I admired myself – I idolised myself
Because I could hide and you didn’t have to see me
And know me and be afraid
Because I threaten the life of myself
That you don’t understand because
You’ve never been there

But I liked my hiding place
My posy in the corner where life was perfect
Then something pulled me out of the shadows
Do we ever know what for?
Because the pain just grew…
And I didn’t know how – was I to get through?
Who was this?

I couldn’t understand why I was being called to light
I was comfortable, I was a dream, I was living in a perfect world
I didn’t have to try and get through
I just got there… but it was a lie, wasn’t it?
You did it for a purpose…
How long would it take for me to see?
For You alone were carrying me…

My safety net grew thin; I was running an endless race
It still is and I don’t know where the end is
But You are here… I gave it all to You…
Please take from me my life
When I don’t have the strength to give it to You
I’ll take the chances because they’re worth taking
I’ll live the dream I know I’ll make it…

And when the going is weary
And the path grows rough – and there are crossroads
And forks that distract me and I get confused and I don’t know where to go
I pray that You will guide my life
It’s in Your hands – it’s Yours…
Make it a blessing – make it true
It’s my only gift – please make it new